I'm always wondering to myself, "what should I blog about next?"
A moment happens, small or large, mundane or monumental and I think to myself, would people like to read about this experience? Where is the line between over sharing and just the right amount of information? We are living in a world where our phones are rarely more than a foot away from us and our fingers are constantly hovering over the large white dot below the word "photo" or "video", just waiting for the most exciting thing ever to happen to us, all so we can share that moment on one of our many social media platforms to make it look like we live the most awesomeist of lives.
So I sit here and wonder, what to write?
Do I write, yet another post about my breakup and how I'm still hurting deeply? Because I am, but maybe the death of that relationship doesn't deserve my time and words to be shared with the internets anymore? I don't know.
Do I tell you about the quick trip out of Austin I took myself on this past weekend to see one of my favorite country artists, Kacey Musgraves? About how that trip made me feel so empowered and incredibly lonely; happy yet sad, all within mere minutes of each other throughout the entire 24 hours?
Do I confront my lack of confidence in my age and where I'm at in life at the moment? How I've been giving myself pep-talks about the fact that despite the lifetime dream of becoming a mother, I'm finally starting to realize, it just might not happen. And I can't quite decide how I feel about that. Sometimes, incredibly sad. Sometimes, incredibly relieved.
I think I'll go with this...
The day I left for my trip to Helotes, TX, I was packing up my car pumped up on adrenaline from running two hours behind and beyond excited to finally see Kacey live. There was a part of me that felt sadness towards my singledom, but another part of me kept reminding myself that having a boyfriend would not guarantee this trip to be a good time. In fact, for all I knew, a boyfriend could have made it worse! Could have being the operative words here.
I stroll into town just as a street fair is closing down for the day and I ask whether they will be back the following day; to my disappointment, no. I slowly peruse what's left of the vendors and the few shops that are still open. As I get back in my car to check-in to my hotel, I drive past the venue and hear Kacey warming up.... I about died of happiness right there. This town is so dang cute, it's a gorgeous day, I scored some beautiful pieces for my maternity photo shoots (and at a discount nonetheless!) and I'm here, on my own time, on my own schedule, with my own agenda, with no one else to please but myself and I'm frankly quite happy to be alone, knowing that moments like this just would not be the same if shared with another person. As soon as I've checked-in and freshened up, I hurry back to the venue to secure the best spot as close to the front as possible and almost immediately, I'm uncomfortable and so lonely.
I'm sure that they're not, but it feels like everyone is staring at me. Like they just KNOW that I'm there alone.
I do my best to keep an open mind and keep myself open to any and all possibilities for what the night may bring. I couldn't help but think, what if I meet a man here?! What a great, fun story that would be! Maybe I'd make some new girlfriends, should I be so lucky that they happen to live in Austin too! Maybe none of this will matter and Kacey will be an amazing show and the company I'm with (or lack thereof) won't matter at all?!
I tend to not care much for opening bands, but every once in a while, I stumble upon a gem.
And let me tell you, Kacey's openers, Sugar & The Hi Lows, were exactly that, and more.
Their energy on stage was infectious and I couldn't help myself but to bounce around dancing in my small bubble of space to every note (something I probably would not have felt comfortable doing with a man by my side). After the end of one of the first few songs one of the leads says, "I know it sounds crazy for us to play a slow song after that one, but that's exactly what we're gonna do and I hope you like it". It was odd, but I almost just knew that their next song was gonna hit me in all of the feels.
I wasn't wrong, not even a little bit.
Mid-way through their song, "Right Time To Tell You", I'm crying.
I again leap to the belief that everyone is looking at me, so I wipe away my tears as discretely as possible, but they won't stop coming. Music is so powerful, it amazed me how much a brand new song that I'd never heard before could effect me the way it was. I knew there was a song or two that Kacey might play that hits me deep in the feels, but I wasn't expecting this. This one really resonates with how I'm feeling right now around the ex and that whole situation.
After they finish their amazing set, I beeline for the merch table and promptly buy both of the CDs that the band is selling and to my joy, they came up and signed them and I got to have a brief chat with them. Such lovely people and I truly hope to see this band take off.
Kacey finally comes on and she does NOT disappoint. Her voice live is just as good as it is on her CD which seems a rarity these days (sadly). I'm smiling so big and I swear, I haven't felt as happy as I felt in that moment in what feels like forever. I'm just so pleased with everything. My decision to say, "fuck it. I'm buying a ticket to this show and I'll go alone if no one wants to join me". My impeccable taste in good music (humble, aren't I?). My open mindedness to appreciate an artist such as Kacey who has such a unique view on the world. A running list of things that I'm so thankful for in that moment, that I couldn't possibly list them all here. In between songs, she chats with the audience and even though there's about 3,000 of us, it feels so intimate. How this woman is not a bigger star is truly beyond me. I swear if she and Ellen Degeneres were to team up, they could take over the world!
But as the lyrics go, "having it all is just a state of mind".
Of course, she plays the song that is the absolute epitome of how I'm currently feeling at any given moment, "I miss you".
The song is all about having all the stars line up, everything is working out in your favor, life cannot be any better, but there's still something missing: him. If you're asking yourself as you read this, "is she really still talking about her ex/breakup? Does she write or think about anything else??" Right now? No, not so much. It's all consuming and I truly hope that by writing this stuff and getting it off my chest and out of my mind will only help me move on. ***Any prayers and happy thoughts are much appreciated, thanks!***
As the night goes on, I continue to have a wonderful night, but in the back of my head, I know it's bound to be over before I'd like it to be. Thank god for encores, am I right? Her encore was one of the longer ones I've ever had the pleasure of hearing. Not only did she do a few songs without her band, just a capella, but she also previewed a couple of new songs that will be on her new album to be released in June!
Also, she did a cover of TLC's, "Scrubs" and I just about DIIIIIIIED.
Well, I assure you, it did. I left that show on such a high. Not only that, but I felt an odd sense of pride as I was leaving the show walking past other girls who were so wasted that they could hardly stand up. Is it weird that I felt bad for them? I mean, there's no way they'll remember the show as clearly as I did, what a shame for them. But hey, as Kacey says, "so I'll just do me and honey you can just do you"- if that's how you prefer to enjoy live music, more power to you. Thank you for not throwing up on me.
And there you have it, another rambling post from the mind of one Abbey C.
If you hadn't already heard of Kacey Musgraves or Sugar and the Hi Lows, please!! Find them online and enjoy every note and every word. You can thank me later ;)
P.S. I have a date tomorrow night that I'm not actually sure I'm looking forward to and have more or less decided that if this one doesn't work out, I'm deleting my online dating profile and taking a deliberate break from dating to work on making myself [more] awesome. Wish me luck!
