If you build it, he will come

In light of recent events, I have decided to take a bit of a risk and put online, in public, for all the world to see, what I'm looking for in a man.  Call it my "field of dreams" list, if you will. In no particular order these are the things I hope to find in the man of my dreams someday-

• Not a night owl *doesn't need to be an early riser like me, but I don't want to be with someone who regularly sleeps until noon
• Wants kids someday (preferably at least 3) *I'm not in a rush, but I need to know it's not off the table
• Artistic/creative *even if he just likes to build/fix things around the house... that's hot. 
• Sensitive *I'm not looking for a cry baby, but I need someone that can express their feelings
• Athletic/physically fit *I don't have a rock body, and don't expect my mate to either, but I do enjoy working out and would love to find someone that would enjoy staying in shape together
• Funny 
• Doesn't hate cats *I mean, Beefcake isn't going anywhere anytime soon... 
• Not a heavy drinker/party-er
• Non-smoker (weed or tobacco) 
• Drug free 
• Romantic
• Good communicator 
• Affectionate *I'm 100% for PDA and have learned from past relationships how incredibly important this is to me
• Enjoys traveling
• Has goals and ambitions *they don't need to be the same as mine, as long as he has them!
• Likes my cooking
• Has good manners
• Has his own circle of friends *I don't want to be the only person he ever hangs out with, and vice versa
• 5'9" or taller *sorry I'm not sorry for having this on my list
• Likes to cuddle *along with the PDA, I've realized this is something I don't think I could live without!

Now listen, I'm sure if I had written this list 10 or even 5 years ago, I'd probably be on the floor laughing about what was on my list. So this is just a list of current wants. I expect that in the future my wants and needs will change as I change, and there's nothing wrong with that. If we didn't grow and change, what a sad world this would be! Now come on Mr. Right! I'm ready to meet you! ;)

Stumbles and the City

I'm still off online dating, and I'm still a hermit... so while these dating antidotes may be far and few in between, I'll try to humor you any chance I get.

So let me tell you a little bit about my Saturday night....

If you know me but at all, you know that 2 drinks and I'm buzzed 4 drinks and I'm officially drunk anything past that and you can almost count on me not remembering half the night (oh the joys of getting older and more responsible). So it should come to no surprise to you that after two bottles of champange (yes, bottles) 1 jello shot, 1 vodka/soda (maybe two- that's still a little fuzzy) and one other shot that I really don't remember taking though there is photographic evidence of- I'm pretty lit gone. Now, in my defense, all of this was consumed within a matter of 8 hours, but none the less down and down it went.

By the time everything was starting to come to an end, I was nowhere near my house and had no desire to make the drunken trek home. So I texted a friend that lived near where I was and asked if I could spend the night- thankfully, they agreed. But as soon as I made my slumber party plans, an equally drunk genius friend I was with decided we should try to get into the club across the street from where we were where one of our mutual friends happens to work.

Side note: I was wearing yoga pants, my grey Oregon Ducks sweatshirt and running shoes... I don't know where I got off thinking I'd be able to get in, but my liquid courage was enough to feel certain it wouldn't be an issue.

So there we are- Drunk 1 and Drunk 2 waiting in the foyer of the club waiting for the bouncer to find out if our friend is working. He comes back to tell us that she's not there, but we're persistent and say that he must be wrong so while he goes back to look a second time, we pretend that we're with a group of about 10 other guys that's walking in at that moment (without paying the $30/person cover charge, btw). Once we're in, the bouncer comes up to us and I think for sure we're busted and will be asked to leave- nope! Just laughs and points us to coat check.

Another side note: Drunk 2 and I were coming from a potluck and had a ton of leftovers with us. Have you ever asked if you could check a 6 pound Tupperware of pasta salad? It's great.

So now we're in and Drunk 2 asks me what I want to drink. I've been here before and know that the drinks are hands down the most expensive I've found in the city, but he's offering to pay so even though I know I shouldn't have any more I accept his offer (this is the first of the possible two vodka/soda's). After we finish our $25 drinks, we agree it's time to leave. So Drunk 2 and I collect my belongings... just mine. I find out the next day that Drunk 2 left their jacket and Tupperware full of pasta at coat check... it's just really starting to get good.

If memory serves me correctly, Drunk 2 and I share a cab for a few blocks (though I could have been alone, neither of us remembers clearly) and I ask the cabby to drop me off on the block that I think is my friends. At this point, my phone is dead, so I'm relying on my (fuzzy) memory to get me to my friend’s house (I've been there multiple times prior). I get out of the cab on the block that I swear is where I need to be... only, I don't see their front door anywhere.

I walk around the block for what feels like half an hour.

Nothing. I cannot find my friend’s house.

I step into a deli to ask if they have an iPhone charger so I can get the exact coordinates of my friends house, they claim not to have one. I try at least 3 other deli's, pizza places and bodegas before finally realizing a bar would be the perfect place to find a charger. Most bars have one, and thankfully, my drunken intuitions were right. So I bellied up to the bar and order a drink as I thought it would only be appropriate since they're being kind enough to charge my phone. I think.... to be honest, I know I drank water, but I may have had a vodka/soda here as well.

Anyway... dude on the stool next to mine starts chatting me up. I'm not particularly interested, but I don't want to be rude, and I need to pass the time while I wait for my phone to charge anyway.

Here is the jist of what I remember of our conversation-

me: "Where are you from?" he had a southern accent... I knew he wasn't from NY
him: "North Carolina, how about you?"
me: "Me too! Where exactly?" ok, I'm aware that I'm not from North Carolina, but I wasn't all that interested in giving this guy too much background information, and my parents and brothers live there, so it's sort of half true...
him: "Greensboro, where are you from?!"
me: "Greensboro! Small world, eh?"
me: "You have really nice teeth." -He really did!
him: "Ha! Thanks? How old are you?"
me: "How old are YOU?" - he doesn't look more than a few years older than my younger brother
him: "I'm 22. So are you going to tell me how old you are?"
me: "I'm 24."
him: "I'm not sure I believe you..."
me: "Do you want my phone number? Here's my phone number, you should call me sometime." -No. I did not give him a chance to give me an answer. And no, I was still not that interested.
him: "Ummmm, thanks. Here, here's my address. Do you want to come over?"
me: "NO! BYE!"

I promptly retrieve my phone from the bar tender and make my second attempt at finding my friend’s house.

I get lost, yet again.

But thankfully this time, I have enough juice in my phone to call them. I cannot for the life of me figure out why I cannot find the place, and make them come down stairs because I'm sure I cannot find this place without some giant flashing lights. My poor friend... I couldn't tell you what we talked about to save my life. All I know is I drank as much water as I could and passed out.

Here we are 3 days later and I still have yet to hear from Nice Teeth Guy and am pretty sure I won't. Definitely not disappointed by this either. I mean, who gives out their address?! And, he is 22. I am not 24 (thank god). I woke up feeling terrible (duh). I end up walking from my friend’s house on 83rd & 1st to the West side to get the subway home. It's a miracle I didn't throw up on my walk home.

Lesson learned here people: when you leave the house in sweats it because you don't want to go out and get crazy... so don't! HA!

OkStupid

I have recently decided to cancel and delete my online dating profile. I realize that it is 2013 and online dating is a perfectly acceptable way of meeting someone these days- hell I even know a handful of people that have successful relationships come from online dating sites! But for me, it's just loosing it's spark. It feels so impersonal. What ever happened to real dating? Do people seriously not meet in grocery stores, or at the park, or coffee shops, etc. etc. etc. anymore???
For as long as I can remember, since at least 13 years of age (but probably longer), I have wanted a boyfriend. Nothing about that has changed in me. I still want a meaningful relationship, maybe now more than ever. But my desire to literally date is gone and dead. The thought of going out on another lame, mundane date that is nothing but a free meal mixed with small talk is exhausting to me.
So I'm sad to say, that as much as I wanted these fun dating ancedotes to be a part of my blog... I have a feeling these types of posts will be far and few in between- or gone forever.

That being said... if you happen to know someone you'd like to set me up with, I'm into it.

You can't have your cake, and eat it too!

I have a problem. What problem, you ask?
I have realized a lot lately, that I am very frequently #2. Here, let me explain by trying to paint you a little picture. It goes a little something like this: Girl meets boy. Boy flirts with girl. Girl gets excited and hopeful. Boy flirts a little more. Excitement still building. The, WHAM! Girl finds out that boy is not actually single. Balloon popped.

Boys: I ask you, what is it with you with wanting your cake and eating it to? Why do you flirt (from mild to stronggg flirtations) with another girl, when you have a girlfriend? Are you unhappy? Are you confused? Are you just using me to boost your ego, to remind yourself that you've still got "it"? I suspect it is likely the later. Have you no heart? Do you not realize that you're playing with someones emotions?

I ask you this, how would you feel if the roles were reversed?? Wouldn't you be upset if you knew that your girlfriend was flirting with other men just to validate herself?

Listen, I'm not trying to claim that women are perfect and that no woman in time has ever done this. But I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about you.

I just really want, for once in my life, to be the girl the boy is excited about. I want him to be single. I want him to be available. I can only stay hopeful that maybe someday, this wish will come true. Until then, guys, please stop thinking with your junk and start thinking with your brain.

**To all of my lady readers who's man liked it so much he put a ring on it, aren't you glad you don't have to deal with this shit anymore?!

NYC dating anecdotes 1

I'm going to go out on a limb here and talk about something I haven't done (this publically) before... Take it for what you will, and enjoy the trials and tid bits from my dating life....

So I went on an OKcupid date (as all of my dates are these days) some time ago with John (name has been changed).
I messaged the him first.
Our messages were just so-so. Nothing too exciting.

Then John asked me if I wanted to go to a movie for our first date. Ugh. Why do guys do this? What makes them think that I would want to sit in a dark theater with them if we've never met before??

I never that was excited to meet him. So that can't be a good sign... But then as I was thinking as I was walking to the restaurant, maybe I've just gone on too many damn OKCupid dates, that go nowhere to get nervous at this point?

John picked a restaurant in the Village. I was excited and irritated at the same time by this because I had to be up so early the next morning (which we had discussed), but rarely go down to that part of the city so I was looking forward to exploring a new spot.

John more or less ordered for the both of us which, kind of annoyed me. Also because he asked me what looked good, I gave him my opinion, and then he ordered something completely different. He ordered veggies... which I'm not a fan of and never would have ordered, but they ended up being tasty, so OK, I'll cut him some slack there.

To drink, he ordered four of what the restaurant called the "Recession Special"- a PBR, a shot of whisky with a pickle back. By the end of the night, he was visibly tipsy. I had 3 glasses of prosecco, so I wasn't exactly Sober Sally, but not near on his level.

Our banter was witty and rarely left much of a pause in between subjects... until the end of the night when it felt like we had asked all of the questions there was to ask.

I was looking forward to going home.
Then I find out, he's riding the same train as me... almost the entire way. Ugh.

As we waited on the platform for the train, I stood with my arms crossed... my typical/comfortable stance and he told me I should stop doing that because it made me look very closed off. Ouch.

Then when we were on the train, I twirled my hair and John asked if I always do that... I asked if I had done it a lot throughout the night, and he said yes. The way he asked made it seem like it annoyed him. Um, sorry?

I was shocked when the next day, and days following he continued to text me, asking when we could see each other again. As I'm sure you can tell from the above story, I wasn't really feeling it, so needless to say, I never did see him again.