Unique, New York

There's been so much on my mind lately that I've been wanting to share, but have felt like I don't quite have the words for. I'm not sure if even now, I have the words for it, but I think I'm finally ready to at least try.

Social media is a beast. It can make you feel on top of the world (like on your birthday when you get 100+ notifications, messages, etc. of people wishing you a happy new year of life) and it can also make you feel like you are completely alone in this world.

I feel like there are two ends of the spectrum when it comes to what content people share online. Those that are at the bottom of a barrel who bad mouth all the people in their life who piss them off and/or are doing them wrong; and the people that project only the bits of happiness that happen in their life.

While I have respect for the former, no one likes a Debbie Downer and chances are if you are that person, you've lost a few followers. Hell, I've BEEN that Debbie before and have probably lost people. Maybe I'll loose people for the words that proceed this...
But what about those that are only projecting the happy tid bits from our lives? What is it that we're wanting other people to think of us when we post a gushing status update, check-in at a super hip restaurant or are tagged in a picture with a smile that's bigger than the sun eluding to the fact that we're just having the best. time. ever.? Are we really as happy as we're showing off?

I highly doubt I have any/many random followers on this blog that don't actually know me personally, so you probably already know that I'm a pretty blunt/honest person. Well here you have it folks, for all that may have been wondering- I'm not that happy. Please don't pity me or feel bad for me at all, that's not why I'm writing this. I'm writing this because I want to stay true to myself. I want 1) to remain honest and 2) to share openly what's going on with me in the hopes that it will resonate with someone else out there who is feeling similarly to me.

In comparison to how unhappy I was my last few months in NYC, okay sure, maybe I'm happier now. But my struggles were different then than they are now. What had me down back then (being unemployed and freezing) aren't the same as what's got me down now.
I moved to Texas because in NYC, I felt like I was at the bottom of a dirty barrel and the walls were so slimy and covered in muck that I couldn't even grip to get myself out. I recognized that my "fight or flight" instincts were kicking in and in theory, I was running away from my problems. But I also felt like I was so low, that getting myself out was not possible in NYC. I felt it was necessary to leave to be able to work on myself. I knew that I wouldn't leave my depression and any of my problems in NYC and didn't think that Texas would be instant and forever bliss, but I knew I needed to escape to start improving. I knew that moving would be hard. I knew that there would be a lonely period with very few friends. I knew that I'd get frustrated with getting lost and not knowing where I was, from time to time. I knew there would be things about NYC that I hadn't even thought of, that I'd miss when I'd least expect it. I knew I'd feel like I missed out on events and gatherings with my friends. I knew I'd miss my boyfriend. But as I expect childbirth to be, it all was a pain that I wasn't fully prepared for until I actually went through with it and let me tell you, it was harder than I expected.
*Did she really just compare moving cross country to childbirth?? Yup.*

I am so lucky that I had family here just outside of Austin who were generous enough to let me live with them for six weeks while I got my footing. I am lucky in that I had at least one friend already living here from NYC who knew first hand my struggles with leaving the city. I am lucky that I knew a friend from high school who was happy to catch up and include me in the life he'd spent the last 4+ years building in Austin. All of that aside, it was still tremendously difficult. (I wish I was more of a "glass half full" kinda girl, shit, I really do. I'm working on it. And some days, the glass is more full than empty. But as every word above is already eluding to, I'm more of a "half empty" kinda gal, unfortunately.)

Unsurprisingly, one of the hardest parts for me was being away from my boyfriend. Of course I knew going into this decision that it was NOT going to be easy. And the complete body shuttering sobs as I left him at the airport were no indication that it would be anything other than hard-as-fuck. What we failed to do as a couple embarking on a long distance relationship was discuss in detail what me moving away would do to us. We left it all up to fate and (stupidly?) agreed that we would just let it all play out the way it would and would take it day by day. It hadn't occurred to me until it was too late just how important it would be to me to have a time limit on how long we would go without seeing each other or a game plan to meet up next time.  I hadn't put thought into the fact that I was burning through my savings to pay for all the moving expenses and would not be able to afford flying back and forth to see him every other month. He had tentative plans to be in Austin for work shortly after my move and rather than firming that up or making other, more concrete plans, I went along with the push and pull of the uncertainty.

Relationships are hard enough as it is. When you throw distance into the mix, it only makes it that much harder. I left without us having a game plan of how long this distance would keep us apart. We'd discussed it briefly in the days leading up to my departure, but him being at the height of his career, it wasn't easy for him to predict where he would be and where life would take him in the next 1-3 years. I believe that there's probably no good time to be in a LDR, but I venture to guess that as you are peaking in your career and need to make sound business decisions is likely not one of the better times. As frustrated as I feel sometimes that he didn't choose me over his career or make me more of a priority, I can't fault him for it either. I admire his determination to get where and what he wants in his business.

If you haven't figured it out by now, or don't already know, our relationship did not stand the test of distance. It's been 4ish months post breakup that I initiated/asked for and it's still incredibly painful. I didn't end the relationship because I stopped loving him or started loving him any less. Quite the opposite actually. I ended it because deep down, despite loving him so much, I wasn't getting what I want from a relationship and what I feel I deserve. I don't mean to bad mouth him and hope that's not how I'm coming off because he deserves so much credit for how wonderful of a person he was and still is. For me, the hardest part of coping with this breakup has been is nothing went wrong. He didn't cheat. I didn't cheat. He didn't hit me. I didn't say mean things. He didn't stop having affection for me. I didn't stop loving him. It just came to a point where I realized that we were in different places in our lives and to continue to stay together would me great sacrifices on one persons part and we both felt that the things we stood firm on were not worth the sacrifice. Am I going to tell you the exact specifics of what broke us up? No. He and I know and a handful of my closest friends know and that's enough. I share so much of myself so openly, but I don't hate him. I'm writing this as therapy for myself and hopefully helping others, not to hurt him or air out our dirty laundry.

One thing that I really love in life is to be this open, honest person. I love sharing my life on social media and platforms such as this blog. Writing about this has been on my mind for months now and as I said when I started, I just haven't been able to find the words. J, I hope if you ever read this that you do not feel angry or frustrated with me for sharing bits of our personal lives and struggles with everyone. It's just that, I've been feeling like such shit for so long now and after doing a lot of work to get myself back to a happier place, I'm learning that what I'm feeling is not just okay, but normal. Just because I'm the one that asked for the breakup does not mean that I'm not allowed to feel sad about the situation. I am grieving the loss of a wonderful man and the best relationship I've ever had and it's ok that I'm struggling. I am human. I have feelings and am really working on honing my skills in actually feeling those feelings and not suppressing them in worry that I'm making someone else uncomfortable.

If you have any advice for me on gaining happiness, coping with a cross country move or moving on post breakup, or anything else for that matter, I would love to hear from you! If you are going through any major life changes and are struggling with the way you're feeling, I'm here for you if you want to comment/email/call/etc. If this blog reaches even one person who is struggling and feels like they aren't sure what to do with all of the emotions and crap that they're feeling, I hope my words have helped. If you're just nosey and like to know what's going on in my life, that's fine too, I like a good creeper ;)

Chat with y'all later! xo

Boggy Creek Farm

While you're sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for my next blog post (c'mon, I know you are!) take a gander on over to my Achieving Healthy Blog and see some fresh (no pun intended) new shots that the talented Angela Doran took of me my first few weeks in Austin as well as a roundup of my trip to a super sweet local farm, Boggy Creek!

The post can be seen HERE!

Howdy y'all!

 Greetings from Austin :D

photo cred: Angela Doran Photography

If you're reading this blog, chances are rather high that you fall into one of the following categories (or a few) family, friend, or follow me on some social media platform, so I'm going to just go ahead and assume that you know that I've moved from NYC to Austin, Texas!

If you didn't know, surpriseee!

A lot of people's first question as to why I moved to Austin is "why?" Well really, why not?! I never had it set in my mind that NYC was where I would stay for the rest of my life. I'd always told myself that if that's the way it ended up, that it would be great, but never an expectation. Over time, it became very apparent to me that NYC was not where I was meant to live the rest of my life, so at that point, it was only a matter of when and where would be next.

I've had thoughts of living in Southern California on my mind for many many years, so it was something I seriously considered, and even went out for a visit in February. But nothing was really calling or pulling me there. I felt really indifferent about the idea of moving to California and I figured, one should probably feel pretty strongly about making such a huge move. So I stayed in NYC.

After I'd dismissed the idea of living in Cali, my mind still wasn't fully settled at the idea of living in NYC any longer. Life wasn't really moving anywhere for me, and I felt like the longer I stayed there, the more time I was wasting. I'd been looking for work since January when I was laid off, without any luck. I sent out countless resumes and went on many interviews and never heard back from any of them. If you've never been unemployed before, let me just tell you, this does not do good things for ones self esteem. I've never in my life struggled to find work the way I did these past few months.

It was around April when life had gotten a little rocky, as it does from time to time, that I decided I'd had enough of the bull shit NYC throws at its residents. I had very briefly looked at jobs in Austin and applied for maybe one before I decided to actually reach out to my Austin peeps and find out if moving there with their support would even be a reality. I have one cousin in Austin who outside of Facebook, I hardly knew. I decided to take a leap and reach out to her to ask if I could stay with her while I get adjusted, acclimated, and found a job and a place to live. Because my family is AWESOME, she quickly got back to me with a "yes!" It was only a couple of days later, that I heard back from one of the resumes I'd submitted to a job in Austin and was immediately offered the job over the phone and was asked "how soon can you be here?"
In retrospect, I probably could have been here in a week (thank you unemployment) but I told her I'd need about three weeks to wrap up my life in NYC.

One of my favorite spots to catch the sun setting over NYC

Before I knew it, my life was packed into 3 suitcases, and 20 boxes. What wasn't packed was sold or left on the curb. I had the chance to say my goodbyes to some of my favorite NYC people as well as pack in all the good food I could. After an extremely emotional goodbye to all the ones I loved in NYC, I landed in Austin without any issues.

Some of the greatest people NYC has to offer!

I hit the ground running... I started working for Vega only a few days after landing, I got a car within the first week, I found my apartment in the first 4 days (though I didn't get to move in until mid-June), and I got a full time job at a chiropractors office within two weeks. It was amazing for me to see how quickly everything was falling into place for me in Austin vs. how hard I had to work for everything in NYC.

We work really hard at Vega!

I've got some pretty good helpers at the chiro's office!

I ended up getting a lemon of a car and have since had to buy a new one, but this time, I think I got a great one! Isn't she pretty!?

Now, unfortunately, this means car payments. So my hopes of cutting my 7-day work weeks back is probably far off from ever happening. That being said, I am hoping to grow both my health coaching and my photography business here in Austin. So whether you know me personally and happen to know someone in Austin who could benefit from my services, or you have randomly stumbled upon me and are looking for some senior portraits, maternity photography or need a health coach - please get in touch with me soon!

I'm taking a brief break detox from Facebook at the moment, so I'm kind of hoping I won't be neglecting this blog as much as I have been. I know blogs are a fading art, but I love reading about other people's life happenings and I hope you enjoy reading about mine. I feel writers block often when I sit down to talk about what's happening because I feel like surely, I'm boring you all. So please! If there's anything specific you want to know about me or my life in Austin, please leave me a comment and I'll try to write about it! 

I hope you are having a fabulous summer!

IIN Health Coach {in training}

I am soooo late posting this, but it's been on my mind for at least 3+ months.

Back in June sometime, I enrolled at The Institute for Integrative Nutrition's July 2013 class. IIN’s year long, comprehensive curriculum covers over 100 dietary theories and combines counseling techniques with real-world business training. Its unique nutrition philosophy takes a holistic approach to wellness and encourages students to consider relationships, work, exercise, and spirituality as essential to building good health.

IIN's mission: 

Our mission is to play a crucial role in improving health and happiness, and through that process, create a ripple effect that transforms the world.

By June of 2014 (once I pass all my tests and graduation requirements), I will be a certified health coach! There are so many things that have brought me to wanting this. There's no possible way I could cover them all (plus you'd get bored, I'm sure) so I'll just review what I feel are a few the top reasons that lead me not just to  enrolling but having this burning desire to join the health and wellness industry in attempts to change myself as well as many others.

• I want to become a more health conscious person. I am my first client. If you know me at all, you likely know that I'm the pickiest person. Ever. I know I need to eat vegetables and do better for myself, but for whatever reason, it's been a battle. I've been doing SO much better in the past few years (if you don't believe me, go back and read my posts from 2009 talking about what I was eating vs. my posts about what my meals are like now).
• I have worked in the health & wellness industry a little bit the last few years and I see a huge disconnect on what these "professionals" are preaching to their clients vs. what they are actually doing in their own lives. Some of what they are telling their clients is so far off base, I cannot comprehend how on earth they deem what they're saying as acceptable. It's apparent to me that the education they are verbalizing is straight from a Google search and not from any proper schooling. 
• I feel constantly surrounded by unhealthy people. Some of these people KNOW what they should do to help themselves, and they just don't do it. Some literally just don't know that what they're doing is bad for them and the long term negative effects it has on not only them, but the rest of their family and their own lives. 
• I want to gain understanding as to why I often feel tired and sick. I know for at least 98% certainty that it has to do with my diet, but what exactly is the culprit?
• I want to be able to help those closest to me, achieve optimal health. I already have a lot of friends and family come to me for advice and with questions and I'm so excited to finally be able to have real, educated answers for them!
• I want to be known as an educated professional and not just someone with strong opinions from personal experience. Completion of this school is going to be such an accomplishment for me!

One of the things that I love so much about this school, that I hadn't even considered a part of my health prior to enrolling, is that they teach what they call "primary foods". It's everything that feeds you in life, but doesn't come on a plate. We wrap it up in four categories: Relationship, Spirituality, Career, and Exercise.

I cannot begin to tell you how much happier I feel since having started this program. Really evaluating each aspect of my life, and working to create a balance in each area. I am working daily on my happiness, and it feels so good to see how effortless it can actually be! I feel confident in saying, that this very moment is the happiest I think I have ever been. Of course, I still have areas of my life which I wish to improve, but I'm taking the steps to get there and know it will happen eventually. 

I've been brainstorming a lot about what I want my "niche" to be and I have a lot of really great ideas, but that will have to wait for a later post since I still haven't decided for 100% just yet. Thankfully I still have about 6 more months before I need to lock that down :)

Thank you so much, for taking the time to read through this post and learning more about what I've been doing the past few months. Please feel free to comment or contact me directly if you have any questions you want to ask! I hope you have a very happy and healthy day!

xoxoxoxo

- Abbey 

Happy 3 year anniversary to me and NYC!

Ho. Ly. Shit.
I have lived in New York City for exactly three years (plus a few days now). Is anyone else as shocked and surprised as I am?! Not to say that I thought I'd have left by now (maybe some of you thought I would have. Ha! Joke's on you!) I just can't believe that it's already been three years.

Time has absolutely flown by. If I'm being perfectly honest, it feels more like 5 years.
Let's recap a bit and relive some of my "for better or for worse" New York City moments...

Number of neighborhoods I lived in: 5
Number of roommates I've lived with (total): 11*/12 if you count Beefcake ;)*not including the entire Brownings staff for the summer of '11 & '12
Number of jobs I've had: 4
Number of best friends I've made who have moved back home: 4 (sad face)
Number of times I've been mugged: 0 (yay! go me! not all my friends can say the same...)
Number of celebrities I've seen: 20+ (I think I'm forgetting about a few)

I know it's kind of silly, but each year, I like to do something to celebrate the anniversary. My first year, I went out with some of my teammates to 123 Burgers Shots Beers, it was all very last minute, thrown together, but a fun evening none the less. Last year, for my second anniversary, I was "living" in Southampton working for the gym. I don't even remember if I did anything, but I don't think I did. Something about not actually being in the city... it didn't feel right.
But this year, I wanted to make sure that the occasion was celebrated. And it seemed only fitting to spend it with the person who has been in on this crazy journey with me since day 1, my great friend from high school and old roommate, Alaina. About 9 months to a year before my feet landed on the streets of NYC, I called Alaina and said something like "I know in high school, you talked a lot about wanting to move to NYC... Do you think you'd still wanna do that? Yes? Great. Let's go!"

It also seemed to make the most sense to spend this day with one of the greatest friends I have had the honor of making since I moved here, and her supremely amazing husband, Tanya and Danny. Tanya and I met through "ladies who brunch" meetup and have been best friends ever since.

I asked them all to meet me in Central Park's Sheep's Meadow and that I'd be there with pizza from my favorite pizza joint and champagne. We spent the afternoon indulging in said goodies along with the fresh meats and cheeses, cheesecake and berries that my "party guests" brought with them. Before it was time to part ways, I ended up hopping on Danny's bike for my first official bike ride in NYC! (yes, I own my own bike, but I've never ridden it IN the city)
After letting all of the food settle and a quick catnap I decided to get off my lazy butt and get in a sunset run, even though I had come to terms with taking a rest day.

And I'm so happy I did. It ended up being a beautiful run and I got to explore new areas of Riverside Park that I'd never been to before!

All in all I'd say that my 3rd NYC anniversary was a success.
Thank you to everyone that I've met here who have helped write a piece of each page of this crazy story. I've been told that NYC has a notorious "three year itch" so I'm eager to see what the next year brings along and what will happen for me in the next three years.

Pssssst! Did you notice that my blog got a little face lift? It's still currently under construction, but will become more and more solidified in the coming year. I now have TABS! You can browse through even more parts of my life by clicking on each of them. Definitely take a look at the "health coach" tab in the near future as that tab will surely see some significant growth :D